I work in education and I just finished up another school year. Time for summer break! I always feel a thick blend of despair and relief. One on side, working is really hard, especially with a cocktail of anxieties and fear, but on the other side I need money to live. But I am very frugal and it was my fourth year working for this company so I've got my method down to survive the summer. A couple side jobs, lots of cheap ingredients to make enough food to last me, etc. It's like a fun little challenge (if I frame it that way it feels less like poverty, lol).

I also got to reunite with a really good friend this week. We didn't fight or lose contact or anything, we're just both isolators and since we've both been going through it lately there hasn't been much interaction aside from pinging each other every couple weeks to make sure the other is still alive and kickin'. She's so cool, I love her a lot. She has a wealth of knowledge about everything occult, astrology, numerology, it's like second nature to her and I've learned a lot from her tarot readings and examination of my birth chart. I was talking more about my Trill dream and she asked me the day and hour it happen (I knew where that was going) and thus, Trill's birth chart was born. And it's a DOOZY! I know it may be hard to see so I'll walk you through the basics.

So she has a Pisces stellium in her 12th house. As my friend put it: "a 12th house stellium on an alter ego is RIVETING. That's like a mixing of the subconscious and the ego that is so uncannily on point." She's internal, she's mushy, but with an Aries sun and a Leo moon. Every placement I look at makes her make more and more sense to me. The karmic charge of the 12th house, the floaty, internal, fishiness of it all.

It felt cool to interact with Trill in that way. Since I've started revising my novella all I can see its the Trilliness in it. Like she was there in 2023 too, I just hadn't had the dream that drew her out. I also tried to explain Trill to my middle sibling and they said (lovingly) "Can I do a reading about this? I think it would help me understand you better that you can explain yourself." LOL. I've never felt more like a apocalypse crier with a sandwich board, but because it was them I knew there was no deeper meaning or dig at me. We're all just better at reading and interpreting than explaining or being explained to. A family curse. Even as a teenager I wrote my parents letters when we were fighting because it went better than trying to speak out loud. I did this as an adult and my ex was like, "I don't get the letter thing, why not just talk to them?" Oh, you sweet summer child. First time around a group of autistic burnouts who are hyperlexic but can't read people right, I'm guessing?

Anyways, this is getting to be a long one. The other thing I wanted to share was this little altar I put together yesterday. I don't mesh with the idea of deities at large, so it's not dedicated to anyone or anything but myself and my protection. I've been feeling some looming dread and fear lately, evidenced by nightmares and being scared in the house at night especially. My sister blames the benadryl I take to sleep and she may be right, but until I have another sleep alternative I'm just taking steps to embody the space and make it feel more safe. Here we have my wisdom teeth, a whisker shed from my cat, a 2 dollar bill, and the necklace my sister and grandma got me in middle school that I used to use to calm myself down from panic attacks. No deities, but lots of trinkets. Like a nondenominational rosary.

Hopefully this all helps. And maybe starting to smoke weed again will help too. Who knows! I'm hitting a wall and I took a week to curl up and shake at the bottom of the wall and now I'm up and looking for ways up and over. I may slip back down, but I have my eyes upwards.

xoxo char/trill

May 30th, 2025