Good evening earthlings. It's therapy eve in Trill World and I'm feeling weird about it. Last week I was so consumed by my argument with my dad but this week I feel so little about it. I can't tell if that's good or not! I mean it definitely feels better as I'm able to sleep and eat normally, but for something so hurtful and bone rattling I feel like I moved on too fast. But who knows, I've been in therapy since I was 20, maybe I can process some things faster than others. My dad was mean, big whoop.

I finally feel like I've adjusted to my new glasses, pictured here. I still have a little headache but I think I've had a little headache since puberty. I'm thinking about puberty a lot because as I've gotten older and older and my reproductive organs have given me more and more grief I've grown a little resentful. I'm on my "period" this week (in quotes because my particular birth control makes it so I don't bleed, but I still have all the othe symptoms and pain) so I've been in a hole. Sunday and today especially. I just hate the kind of pain that nothing can touch. I don't often take anything for pain, a bad after effect of my upbringing, but this year I started taking Midol sort of regularly and even if it can only take the edge off on the worst days I'm glad I've started taking something at all.

I watched Steven Universe for the first time during the first quarantine in 2020, actually only a year or so after I started therapy. Since I was raised fundie we didn't have cable so I didn't catch it when it was airing, having to instead return to it was an adult. It's early on in the show, maybe one of the first fusions we see, correct me if I'm wrong, but Opal has just become such a beacon for me. A fusion of chaotic Amethyst and ordered Pearl. Voiced by Aimee Mann, a personal hero of mine. Kismet, I tell you. When I am feeling down bad and crampy and angry and sing to myself, "All I wanna do, is see you turn into, a giant woman (a giant woman)" It's silly, it's comforting. I sing a lot of songs to myself, but this one is special and usually saved for hormonal pain. I want to see myself through this and much more. I want to see myself grow and adapt and change and soften and harden when I need to. I want to build trust with myself again to know which way I need to go.

All that from alien gem lesbians. The world works in mysterious ways.

There's so much good music from that show, I realize the more I think about it just how many of my self soothing karaoke picks are Rebecca Sugar tunes. "Here Comes a Thought," "Love Like You" they really go platinum in my brain. Highly recommend.

I'll figure out therapy tomorrow. There's always more to talk about. We have a game plan to get me back into EMDR and I'm feeling really hopeful for it.

xoxo char/trill
June 3rd, 2025