Blog Post No. 10- [Blank] Summer! 
Let's do another song, shall we?
Helloooo from me and Mr. Dylan. I had therapy today and it went well, but me and my therapist are hitting a wall that was inevitable. I am reaching the wall of what I can accomplish with talk therapy alone. Which meeeeans it's time to try EMDR again.
The last time was over a year ago and it was pretty overwhelming to my nervous system. In therapy terms I, "didn't have the self-regulating skills to recover from the physical impact of EMDR." In layman's terms, I got too freaked out and couldn't get back to a calm enough state to do it again. So as I start the process again I have to get really real about physical activities and therapies I can apply to get my body to feel safe enough. How I'm going to do that? Your guess is as good as mine, but the desire is there and that's a necessary step. I really love my therapist and I love that she sticks up for me in times like this, even when it's sticking up against my reluctance to try new things or things I feel like I've failed at before.
I have work tomorrow and an eye exam on Saturday and that combination has my agoraphobia absolutely trumpeting. My sister and grandma are going to come with me to the eye doctor and while on one hand that helps, on the other hand it raises the stakes so if I can't go through with it I'll be messing up their plans too. But they love me, they are okay with me messing up plans sometimes. I'm typing this to convince myself, too.
While watching cooking videos on youtube today I realized Trill told me something crazy I wanted to share. Her aunt is Rachael Ray! I know! She has a house in Tuscany where she grows grapes for wine and olives for oil and Trill is there as we speak, eating chingale pasta and watching sunsets on the vineyards. My best friend and I talk a lot about what kind of summer we'll have, usually in the form of "[noun/verb] summer!" And so far these are my favorites: "ladybug summer!" "buttered noodle summer!" "creek summer!" "car wash summer!" and now "EMDR summer!" What summer motifs have you excited?
xoxo char/trill
April 30th, 2025
Helloooo from me and Mr. Dylan. I had therapy today and it went well, but me and my therapist are hitting a wall that was inevitable. I am reaching the wall of what I can accomplish with talk therapy alone. Which meeeeans it's time to try EMDR again.
The last time was over a year ago and it was pretty overwhelming to my nervous system. In therapy terms I, "didn't have the self-regulating skills to recover from the physical impact of EMDR." In layman's terms, I got too freaked out and couldn't get back to a calm enough state to do it again. So as I start the process again I have to get really real about physical activities and therapies I can apply to get my body to feel safe enough. How I'm going to do that? Your guess is as good as mine, but the desire is there and that's a necessary step. I really love my therapist and I love that she sticks up for me in times like this, even when it's sticking up against my reluctance to try new things or things I feel like I've failed at before.
I have work tomorrow and an eye exam on Saturday and that combination has my agoraphobia absolutely trumpeting. My sister and grandma are going to come with me to the eye doctor and while on one hand that helps, on the other hand it raises the stakes so if I can't go through with it I'll be messing up their plans too. But they love me, they are okay with me messing up plans sometimes. I'm typing this to convince myself, too.
While watching cooking videos on youtube today I realized Trill told me something crazy I wanted to share. Her aunt is Rachael Ray! I know! She has a house in Tuscany where she grows grapes for wine and olives for oil and Trill is there as we speak, eating chingale pasta and watching sunsets on the vineyards. My best friend and I talk a lot about what kind of summer we'll have, usually in the form of "[noun/verb] summer!" And so far these are my favorites: "ladybug summer!" "buttered noodle summer!" "creek summer!" "car wash summer!" and now "EMDR summer!" What summer motifs have you excited?
xoxo char/trill
April 30th, 2025