Blog Post No. 12- Driving Blind 
Greetings from my bedroom at my parent's house. I haven't been here since February, which is kind of crazy because for a long time I truly lived 50% here and 50% where I have been blogging from this whole time. The thought of going three months without coming here would have shocked me a couple years ago. But things changed, some siblings moved in, I moved mostly out, family stuff. It's too complex so I have to be simple. But I'm here now. I drove up this morning after totally failing to do so last time. I couldn't even get on the freeway last time. Thankfully today was one of those lovely times that the on-ramp went smooth and muscle memory took over. I love driving, it's a cruel irony that I'm too scared to go anywhere. But! I'm here! Now! 
My parents are very interesting people. I love them, if I think about their faces or voices for too long I choke up and start to cry. But it's scary being a grown up and (mostly) living apart from them. They sort of take on caricature-like roles of themselves when I'm gone for a long time. Their theologies and ideologies are almost opposite my own, it gets hard to remember my mom's freckled hands or my dad's disheveled eyebrow hairs when I'm gone and can't stop spiraling over who they voted for. It's almost like you think they're the monster under your bed until you take a flashlight down there and it's just a pile of rumpled clothes. You think they're your enemy but they're actually just scared confused people like you. I don't know if they would appreciate being called scared, but it'll be our little secret.
I survived work and the eye exam and some more work. I ordered two pairs of regular glasses and one pair of sunglasses. My new prescription is a lot stronger and I'm worried for how long it will take me to adapt. I spend so much time just sitting and looking at things, how will that be affected when my literal perception is shifted? Though I will say when we dialed in the fancy lens machine with I could read so so well. I'm excited for that. Excited for road signs and details on trees.
I'm feeling tormented by my own curiosity lately. I wish I cared less as a whole. When I told Trill that she said something sort of mystical and ridiculous, I can't remember exactly how she worded it. Something like, "make a list of everything you don't want to know and google it." That girl. I compare myself to a lot of people, but since she and I are from the same brain it's easier to just exist side by side. The blind leading the blind? Probably.
xoxo char/trill
May 8th, 2025
My parents are very interesting people. I love them, if I think about their faces or voices for too long I choke up and start to cry. But it's scary being a grown up and (mostly) living apart from them. They sort of take on caricature-like roles of themselves when I'm gone for a long time. Their theologies and ideologies are almost opposite my own, it gets hard to remember my mom's freckled hands or my dad's disheveled eyebrow hairs when I'm gone and can't stop spiraling over who they voted for. It's almost like you think they're the monster under your bed until you take a flashlight down there and it's just a pile of rumpled clothes. You think they're your enemy but they're actually just scared confused people like you. I don't know if they would appreciate being called scared, but it'll be our little secret.
I survived work and the eye exam and some more work. I ordered two pairs of regular glasses and one pair of sunglasses. My new prescription is a lot stronger and I'm worried for how long it will take me to adapt. I spend so much time just sitting and looking at things, how will that be affected when my literal perception is shifted? Though I will say when we dialed in the fancy lens machine with I could read so so well. I'm excited for that. Excited for road signs and details on trees.
I'm feeling tormented by my own curiosity lately. I wish I cared less as a whole. When I told Trill that she said something sort of mystical and ridiculous, I can't remember exactly how she worded it. Something like, "make a list of everything you don't want to know and google it." That girl. I compare myself to a lot of people, but since she and I are from the same brain it's easier to just exist side by side. The blind leading the blind? Probably.
xoxo char/trill
May 8th, 2025