Blog Post No. 2- There are worse things to be 
Trill called me from Berghain last night, didn't think she got down like that but we're always surprising each other. I think the two of us can represent the dichotomoy between two people with the same birth sign. There is the internal virgo, sitting and blogging and fretting like me. Then the external virgo, sharing her keen eye and whip-smartness with the world even if it isn't asking for it.
I just finished reading "All Fours" by Miranda July, from which the quote above came from. I love when the title of a book cameos, especially like this where it's just once and at a perfect moment. I think part of my creation of Trill can be attributed to Miranda. This book was ridiculous and the first half mortified me so hard I didn't think I would finish it. But then something clicked and I understood things way more. All this time I was shaking my righteous fist at the narrator for being such a selfish perv, but I had to step back and admit there is a selfish perv inside of me too. And if I were in her position, battling grief and comphet and all the pressure of being a successful artist that people always want more from then yeah, I would probably get a little batty too. Just because her fantasies repulsed me doesn't mean mine couldn't repulse someone else
Take my current writing project, for example. There's already a voice in the back of my head saying, "people are going to think I am such a little shit." And they wouldn't be wrong, but I can't let that stop me. Someone could get to the midpoint of this book and something could click for them. Yes, I am hasty and rigid and neurotic, but aren't we all in our own ways? Can one find patience and acceptance for me through the small parts of themselves I reflect? Here's a quote from a chapter of my autofiction memoir called "Tabloids."
"...but there was no beating around the bush that there were good interests and bad interests, such as obsessing about celebrities and their lives. They were largely godless, depraved maniacs. And it's not even like I disagree, but I just think that there are worse things to be."
I think being raised as chaste and conservative as I was means it took me a long time to come around to the fact that other people acting in ways I wouldn't, or wasn't allowed to, doesn't reflect their objective worth and value. It's ultimatelty dehumanizing to base someone's value on literally anything so superficial. I work hard not to feel ashamed for opinions I was handed as a kid because I did throw them aside when I was sentient enough to do so. I like when people show who they really are, even if it's shocking or strange. I'd rather know the truth and make an informed decision, always. Anyways, I gotta go. Trill said she was going to send me a postcard but I had to dream of one and describe it to her first. Ciao!
xoxo char/trill
April 10th, 2025
I just finished reading "All Fours" by Miranda July, from which the quote above came from. I love when the title of a book cameos, especially like this where it's just once and at a perfect moment. I think part of my creation of Trill can be attributed to Miranda. This book was ridiculous and the first half mortified me so hard I didn't think I would finish it. But then something clicked and I understood things way more. All this time I was shaking my righteous fist at the narrator for being such a selfish perv, but I had to step back and admit there is a selfish perv inside of me too. And if I were in her position, battling grief and comphet and all the pressure of being a successful artist that people always want more from then yeah, I would probably get a little batty too. Just because her fantasies repulsed me doesn't mean mine couldn't repulse someone else
Take my current writing project, for example. There's already a voice in the back of my head saying, "people are going to think I am such a little shit." And they wouldn't be wrong, but I can't let that stop me. Someone could get to the midpoint of this book and something could click for them. Yes, I am hasty and rigid and neurotic, but aren't we all in our own ways? Can one find patience and acceptance for me through the small parts of themselves I reflect? Here's a quote from a chapter of my autofiction memoir called "Tabloids."
"...but there was no beating around the bush that there were good interests and bad interests, such as obsessing about celebrities and their lives. They were largely godless, depraved maniacs. And it's not even like I disagree, but I just think that there are worse things to be."
I think being raised as chaste and conservative as I was means it took me a long time to come around to the fact that other people acting in ways I wouldn't, or wasn't allowed to, doesn't reflect their objective worth and value. It's ultimatelty dehumanizing to base someone's value on literally anything so superficial. I work hard not to feel ashamed for opinions I was handed as a kid because I did throw them aside when I was sentient enough to do so. I like when people show who they really are, even if it's shocking or strange. I'd rather know the truth and make an informed decision, always. Anyways, I gotta go. Trill said she was going to send me a postcard but I had to dream of one and describe it to her first. Ciao!
xoxo char/trill
April 10th, 2025